Today we took the boys to a new place to get their haircut. The lady finished cutting Ethan’s hair, and Ethan came out to get mom’s approval. The problem was that the top was still really long and it didn’t look like it had been cut. Mom approval denied. Jess explained in a bit more detail that we do actually need the top cut and the lady got back to work with her frustration evident. Fail. Then in all of the other dialog between Jess and the hair lady, the hair lady was obviously frustrated. That’s when they lost our business for good.
As I was thinking about this, I realized that pretty much every time I show frustration I lose. When I show frustration at my kids (I know, crazy right?), I lose. When I show frustration with my wife, I lose. When I show frustration with my team, I lose.
Showing my frustration puts the other person on defense. It all goes south from there, often quickly. However, when I’m frustrated, don’t show it and change my tactics things go much more smoothly. The other person doesn’t get defensive, and I’m able to remain more calm and collected. The results tend to be much better, paving the way for a win.