Lately, I have added a phrase to my vernacular. I repeat it in my mind and aloud. The phrase has become somewhat of a mantra and a mini-meditation of sorts. It has helped me to calm down, take life a little slower, and take in my surroundings. You want to know this magical phrase right? Well, it’s not magical, it’s just a reminder. The phrase is, “I’m in no hurry.” Goofy right? But, insanely effective.
Historically I’m always in a hurry. At every phase of my life, I can remember being in a hurry to get to the next one. Even as a kid my mom used to laugh at how I always wanted to rush to the next thing, often at the expense of the current thing. I can tell you from experience, that is a terrible way to live your life. It is unsatisfying because you are always looking for fulfillment in the next thing rather than enjoying the thing happening right now. Deferred fulfillment is not fulfillment at all; it is emptiness chasing a ghost.
Somewhere along the way, over the course of many years, I have realized this and have methodically slowed down to smell the roses. I have reduced what I do and refined my habits to get rid of excess. And now I’m implementing this piece of the puzzle. This phrase, mantra, meditation is helping me to realize that I am in no hurry. I don’t have to yell at that slow driver because I don’t care if I’m driving slow. I don’t have to get stressed about making it to my next meeting because I have left in plenty of time to be at least 30-minutes early. I don’t feel pressure because I move from thing to thing throughout my day with purpose and with enough buffer between events to know that I’m in no hurry. My pace has slowed. I’m living more in the moment. And, I’m getting more done than ever before! This is a better way to live.
Lately, I have been troubled by the quantity of items I own. My closet is overflowing with clothes I don’t wear. My bedside table drawer is filled with junk that is useless. My office drawers are filled with things I “might use” one day, but know I never will.
I have been thinking a lot about how to slim down and simplify. I like the idea of minimalism and want to lean more in that direction. So, I have come up with what I’m calling “The 3 Item Challenge.”
The 3 Item Challenge Rules:
- Get rid of (or donate) at least 3 items per day
- Do it for a minimum of 30 days
I think I will have to do this for 60 – 90 days to get the level of minimalism that I want, but I’m starting with a commitment to 30 days right now, then I will reassess from there. I started yesterday, so I will blog about my progress on day 10, 20 and 30.
This morning on the elliptical was different. I go most work mornings and work out on the elliptical for about 30 minutes, and it has become a little easy and a little routine, but not this morning. Why not this morning? Well, last night I finished a podcast from Freakonomics Radio about how to become good at just about anything. The core strategy discussed was the idea popularized by Anders Ericsson called Deliberate Practice.
Deliberate Practice, among other things, is practice that makes you uncomfortable. It pushes you past the limit of your current ability. Deliberate practice is knowing that you can run a 10-minute mile and pushing for a faster time. Deliberate practice is the only way to truly improve on skill, pushing yourself outside of the zone where your skill resides and into new areas where you will develop more skill.
I think we all have a propensity to coast, to do what we know we can accomplish and stop there. I have been doing that for months on the elliptical. But, doing that won’t get me to where I want to go, it won’t make me better, it only maintains where I am currently. If I want to get better, I have to do what’s hard, be uncomfortable and push myself further each time. It will be tough, but it will be worth it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what my kids see when they look at me. When they walk into a room, do they see me reading, working, or playing on my phone? When they want my attention, do they see me as attentive to them or as distracted by a device? When I’m watching a ball game, do they see my cheering them on or paying attention to something else? Do my kids see me as attentive an available or distracted and distant?
I think a lot of this comes back to my relationship with devices and how I use them around my kids. I realize that I’m teaching them now what is acceptable, what is normal. I need to be cautious about what I’m teaching, and if I’m honest, at the moment I’m not sure I’m doing a great job. So, here are two lists of things I’m thinking through:
Commitments I’m making to my kids:
- I will not allow devices to distract me from my kids. Their childhood is too short, and devices will always be available.
- I will focus on being intentionally attentive to my wife and kids.
What I want my kids to see:
- I want my kids to see me work hard.
- I want my kids to see me up early.
- I want my kids to see that I care more about them than any screen.
The book The Power of Habit talks about creating a keystone habit. This is a habit that, if created and maintained, will help all of the other pieces of your life fall into place. An example of a keystone habit is daily exercise. If someone wants to get healthy, lose weight, etc., if they make exercise their keystone habit they are more likely to eat healthy and make better lifestyle choices causing them to lose weight and become healthy.
My keystone habit is rising every day at 4am. When I’m up at 4am, all of the other things that I want to do during that day seamlessly fall into place. On days that I’m up at 4am I tend to read, write, pray, exercise, clean, get to inbox zero, have more energy, and be abundantly more productive than on days when I sleep late. Getting up early makes me proactive and allows me to plan for, and then take on my day rather than reacting to it.
I’m convinced that this one habit will affect every aspect of my life, from how well I can grow my company to how I connect with my wife. In 2017 I’m not making a New Year’s resolution. I’m simply saying that I want to focus on getting up stupid early and then dominate each day as it comes.
In 1892, Williams James wrote, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits,—practical, emotional, and intellectual,—systematically organized for our weal or woe, and bearing us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.”
Many of the choices we make on a daily basis are not choices at all; they are habits. According to a paper published by a Duke University researcher found that “more than 40% of the actions people performed each day weren’t actual decisions, but habits” (The Power of Habit).
Think about your day so far. What time did you get up? What did you do first? Did you tie your left or right shoe first? Did you put on your pants or your shirt first? Did you brush your teeth and then floss or the other way around? What side of the bed did you sleep on and in what position and with what pillow? Did you make conscious decisions for any of this? Of course not! They are all habits!
How about this? Have you ever been driving and a little zoned out, only find that you are driving to one place when you should be going to another? Then you suddenly realize that your brain has disengaged and your habits have taken over?
I figure if 40% or so of what I do day to day is caused by habits, I should probably figure them out and figure out a way to improve them. I’m working on that and is why I care so deeply about habit formation, destruction, and hacking. If we can all learn to better control this “mass of habits” that call our lives, we can dramatically improve our daily living and the lives of others as well.